ABC, 123 {and 4}

Thanks to Gracelaced and Ruth's invitation to link up to her Monday series, today need not be "just another manic Monday." Instead we are starting a community (join us!) where women encourage women by recounting the ways they see grace at play in everyday life. This is especially good for me because blogging can be overwhelming. I don't write with the ease of thought and skill of prose the way I wish I did. I don't have much "figured out" to teach others. My life's not as interesting as so-and-so. Excuses. Lies. But this series is about being real and savoring the grace I experience daily. Taking note of it. The sort of things that just.so.happen to choke out discontentment, comparison, ingratitude, and cultivate a sense of peace, belonging, thankfulness. Now that's my kind of community, amen?


Grace. Ah, nothing says it better these days than my blessing of a baby girl and the lessons God is teaching me through being her mama. Can anyone else say they've been changed on the inside from watching their babies grow outwardly? I look at her and I see growth. Daily growth. Weekly growth. I'm holding onto the back of a moving train growth. And yet, it's grace that allows me to notice it, to participate in it. To enjoy the scenery, to smile that it happened.


Four months (no, I'm not quite ready to say five till Wednesday!) of rapid growth after the amazing experience of growing this baby in my belly for 9 months has me more in awe of God than ever. But I ask myself, "do you seek Him for that kind of growth in your own life?" "are you in awe of who He is shaping you to be, albeit slowly?" 

Brand-spankin-new!

Hours old, resting from her grand entrance

2 weeks-falling asleep at her own baby shower

1 month-scrawny sleeping beauty

1 month-still tucking those legs:)

First Month ...
learns to get mama's milk out...agressively

rides & sleeps  {in the sling or wrap} like it's her job 

grunts, chokes on milk, sleeps on dad's bare chest

tummy is big, booty is tiny

wakes every few hours at night

         lots of dark brown hair

peaks out from slightly slit eyes

car rides are just another excuse to sleep

              cuddle-bug

hot August weather makes us stay in the shade

lunago fuzz still on her ears

             sweetest noises you ever did hear

6 weeks-first signs of smiles and coos.

2 months-unsure of this whole being proppedon a pillow thing!

2 months-and sick of all the picture-taking

Second Month...
dollbaby comes to life
first coos. "ah-goo, ah-doo"
first grins.

we exude excitement each time we hear her newest noises.

first blowout while shopping

figures out nursing without being so aggressive

staring lovingly into our eyes

first roadtrip.

cloth diapers are more full

trusts mama and dada to meet her needs of milk, sleep, snuggles

2.5 months-she goes with us everywhere

3 months-All that's missing is her halo

3 months-Our little cherub with some rolls on her

Third Month...

falls into own nap pattern

always looking around

discovery begins

first flight.

first visits with auntie

loves being on her back looking up at me

drooling begins

cooing increases & I start calling her "goo" 

likes playing airplane and singing he's got the whole world

catches her reflection in the mirror and smiles

starts pushing off feet and bouncing on my legs

daddy nicknames her "kitty" 

3.5 months-Gives us big smiles often now:)

3.5 months-not looking like a newborn anymore!

4 months-Chunky Cheeser!

4 months-One happy, healthy girl

Fourth Month...

fights tummy time since she can't quite figure out how to roll 

calls out "ae-eh!"

grows out of initial 0-3 month wardrobe, mama cries

passes grandma's developmental test with flying colors!

                        little pincher

first girly high-pitched squeal, really shows off her vocal chords!

starts squirming during diaper changes

daddy gives the best baths

                  first daddy-daughter dance

                             lots of screeches and big smiles with crinkled nose

                                 rolls 4 months minus 1 day

                 first real belly-laugh Thanksgiving when mama says "I'm am sooo B-LESSED!"

Sometimes I wish the growth in me would happen as fast as Olive's..with such monthly, weekly, or daily milestones as "learned self-control" or "started smiling out of a grateful heart". Or how about, "can't stop giggling over how much she loves her Savior" or "learned how to walk by the Spirit this week" No, the growth in me isn't quite so visible & rapid. But it's there none-the-less. It's in the small things, the ABC's of submission to my husband, sacrifice for my neighbor, the 123's of budgeting and making our house a home. He who is faithful to grow my girly-goo, well, He's faithful to grow me, too. 

Maybe I'm not as attentive to my own growth as I am to my baby's growth. But my Father is attentive to it all. He's doing something in both of us that we could never do in ourselves. That's grace. Even though it's hard for me to see, maybe just as this mama sees her girl growing constantly in some way or another, notices every small step, applauds her as she grows into the person she will one day be, rejoices over progress even as minute as a new sparkle in her eye or firmer grip on my hand, perhaps our Father does this same with you and me.


Thankful to be a part of this online community. Thanks again to gracelaced all the other ladies that shared from their own life today! Looking forward to "finding grace in the everyday", every. day. See you back here next week:)

around this time..

Around this time last year I was spending time with my friend in Iowa.

Crafting
Baking
Cooking
Playing with her 2-yr old boy
And talking life, marraige, Christ in us, breastfeeding, homemaking, and the fact that I was feeling different. And didn't know why.

Which led to a suggestion from this friend that I take a pregnancy test, which I laughed off and dismissed:)

To which she replied, "no, really" and "I'm hoping to be preggo with #2 so I'll take one soon, too!"

We ended our time together with the question "wouldn't it be hilarious if we are BOTH preggo right now, and don't know it?!"

And around this time last year I went back to Albuquerque, waited several days, took a test, called her, told her the news, told HER to take a test, she called me back, with the same news. And all we could do was grin:)

Here we are THIS year, both with two beautiful baby girls, born 10 days apart, reflecting on just how much joy, life, and beauty God has brought us this year. A chapter in our life that was only a hint of an idea in our minds not long ago:)


Steph & I halfway through our pregnancies:)

owl love you forever

This sweet baby has been showered with gifts long before and especially since her arrival. Many of them share a common theme....

two owl/nest themed baby showers

owl spoon fork set

owl onesie stickers to take her picture each month as she grows

owl pillow/bedset (one of the animals in her forest friends set)

owl sweater, outfits, soft soled shoes

skip-hop collection of owl stroller toys and soft book

handmade owl frame

handmade owl print bag & lovey

owl gift bags

owl stuffed animal

owl crocheted hat

owl backback

...

One day when she was only a few weeks old we said, we should just call her "Owlive" :)

annnd, Sam laughed and then quickly told me we had enough owl stuff. no more allowed. buttt they just keep showing up:) and I'm still caught eyeing them when we're out and about. hehe

so. darn. cute.

winter in july

Have you ever been woken up by the cold breeze of your own heart?

Photo credit: luzcannon.com

There are times I feel I'm in a slumber spiritually. In my slumber-land I'm too busy trying that I miss out on the experience of God's presence and peace. The result: a cold, calloused heart.

Just came across this excerpt from my journal in July. I happen to be in a similar place on this cold November day. After a couple weeks of going my own way, I'm weary, but my cold heart has me running to everyone and everything but Him. Funny how He won't allow rest in my soul until I surrender.

Father,

I know a man's soul is deep waters and I've not let you search my heart much lately! I feel I could break (maybe not a bad thing) if I were to face it in the mirror and let you shine your light on all my brokenness and sin. But you have to, you just have to, lest I be ruined by the false mask of self-sufficiency. Ruin me that I might live for you fully. From Bebo Norman's song, "Take my heart, I lift it up. I have not the strength to praise you near enough...but I am nothing, I have nothing without You."

Only you know where to start...break this callous heart...

The answer to my cold heart is the touch of a warm, loving Savior. He is gracious enough to wake me with it. Tender, warm, inviting. The touch of God.

Are you living fully awake today? How are you in need of His touch?

to our olive jolie

Shane & Shane: The One You Need

Sam wants to learn this on guitar. What a sweet depiction of the daddy-daughter relationship. Our fave worship leaders capture a message here that will never get old for Olive. It's a message Sam comes back to for me time and time again. It's for all of us.

the womb

I had the privilege of carrying our baby girl in my womb for 39 weeks. To feel her all snuggled in there, little (and big) kicks and movements at different times. Silence (rarely) at other times. But cozy, warm and bundled up inside me she grew. and grew. and grew.

And now, daddy gets to experience a taste of that goodness.

They call it the Maya wrap or ring sling, we call it "the womb"

Cause once she's in, it's lights out baby. Nigh-night baby. She-gone!
It's like she's instantly back in that familiar place.

Mama wears it sometimes...

Daddy has been wearing her this way since the beginning...


But the cradle position is on its way out as all things in infancy... Baby's a growin' and she likes this position a little less each day as she stretches out and discovers the light and color of her new world . She's moving further and further away from that cramped, dark world of mama's womb and therefore "the womb" wrap. Bittersweet. Thankfully we get to baby-wear a lot longer in other positions as she grows. The bond between us grows as we get to hold her close all the day long.

With the way she's holding that head up and gaining more head control each day, I think we'll soon be using the on-the-hip version of the Maya for hanging out and nursing on the go. I love that you can nurse discretely in it that way.

But for now we're cherishing the last of the newborn stage...and especially "the womb"

birth story

Herein lies the story of how our precious Olive Jolie entered the world just shy of 3 weeks ago. Although the birth was not the story we planned, it is still an amazing story of God's goodness and mercy! And to process it here, bare before you friends and family, brings healing to the disappointments in my heart and focuses my mind on thanksgiving and gratitude to my King. I know I didn't get to blog throughout this pregnancy, but as many of you heard through my facebook posts or in my voice, I was filled with awe and wonder most every day I carried this miracle of a baby and felt her grow within me. Her grand entrance was no different, you just can't describe in words the awesomeness of your child coming forth from your womb into the world! I'm going to go into lots of detail so I can remember all this, but feel free to skip over the ins and outs I share here and read what interests you!

Here goes......

It was the night/early morning of August 10. Exactly one week before my "date". I really wasn't expecting to go early with my first baby and tried not to get my hopes up (I even avoided packing my bags, which was dumb by the way). But upon waking to pee for the up-teenth time, my waters broke all over the bed and down the stairs to the bathroom. And it was pretty undeniable that this was "it" since I gushed (although I still asked "Could I have lost control and peed myself?") and then leaked and leaked more fluid so that each time I tried to lay back down to get rest, I would soak the bed!

No, no more sleep. From 3:30 a.m. on I was up, trying to stay cool and calm and focus on my affirmations. I wasn't having consistent contractions yet so it was more of that period crampy feeling, same that I had the couple weeks prior. I tried to give Sam some peace to sleep since his alarm was set for 5:15 to see patients at 7:00. Well, that never happened! Within a couple hours of the waters breaking, I was timing pressure waves at 4 mins apart and talking with our doula about when it was right for us to go in to St. Elizabeths, since we live 45 mins away. Our doula encouraged us to cancel morning patients and get our stuff together to leave soon thereafter. At around 9:00, I slowed to 5-6 minutes apart (prob cause I was focusing on packing instead of resting!), so I laid and listened to my hypnobabies tracks on the ipod, and within 30 minutes we were back to 3-4 minutes apart. We hopped in the van and headed out to St. E's around 10:00.
From 11:00 to 5:00 we labored in our room freely, getting in many positions and yoga-breathing through pressure waves. I was checked immediately by the midwife (one of my midwives partners) who said I was only at 1 cm. I remember being a little disappointed...Evidently she hadn't read our birth preferences yet which said we didn't want to be checked and told how dilated I was over and over (unless I asked) because I didn't want to get anxious/hyper-focused on the number:) From there we were consistently having intense waves, 2 mins apart, and things seemed to be progressing well. My doula and Sam took turns helping me with the back labor I was having due to the baby being posterior. I remember sitting upright in the rocker and laying on the birthing ball while she pushed on my back. We went for a brisk walk where she guided me (must have looked hilarious walking that fast with my eyes closed holding on to someone else!) We didn't rush to call in the midwife because we seemed to be getting along well and she would be heading our way at 5:00 anyway. And we weren't wanting to check me too often because of the risk of infection with the waters broken.

I remember being surprised at how often I had to pee and how often I would leak more fluid. I don't know why it bothered me, maybe because it was so difficult to change positions (it would bring on a pressure wave) and especially to get on the toilet and have a contraction come on. I remember toward the end of the afternoon I had been up since 3:30 and felt a bit tired and concerned knowing I couldn't stay in this phase forever and keep up my endurance. Sam, by the way, was an awesome advocate and encourager through it all. Poor guy, I shushed him when he tried to talk to me during a wave ("shhhh! not now!") I had to use all my concentration to breathe and make low noises like "oommmm" or "aaahh". But he was so sweet to comfort and put a wet washcloth on my head at the right times, touching me gently and speaking about how well I was doing.


So, the midwife on call comes in at 5:00 (not my planned midwife but one I had seen for appts. several times) She checked me for the first time since Carol had checked at 11:00. And sat down to talk to us gently. This was where things started to get hard... She expressed that she knew I didn't want to know numbers, but that she had checked me and I had not progressed (what?) ...and she didn't know why considering that my contractions were very strong and real and close together. She knew we wanted to consider all natural options first so she suggested doing some nipple stimulation and left and came back and had us try a couple times over the course of an hour or so. Then she walked me briskly around the unit again as my doula had earlier. And checked again. No progress. My heart was fragile at this point. She said we needed to start talking other options, not that she was quick to jump to anything but that we did need to consider why I wasn't progressing and what to do about it. That news mixed with the exhaustion from a day of laboring was enough to make me shed some tears. When the waters break first (only 10% of women) it makes for a harder labor as there is no cushion left. Not to mention baby was posterior (and big, come to find out) The next step was to put a monitor in so the midwife could watch the peaks and measure the strength of the contractions. What she found was that the contractions that I felt as hard were for some reason not enough to dilate my cervix. I just remember being shocked and sad. Still a 1? So much for not hyperfocusing on the number. We had to think about numbers. And the 9 more we had to go after a whole day of laboring.

So the options were now, straight to a c-section or trying pitocin to dilate me. They did have to consider how long it had been since the waters broke. But we still had time. We were so torn. Neither? Wait, that wasn't one of the options. Everyone left the room to let us talk privately. And I remember crying to Sam and just telling him that I was so sorry and felt so bad, but that I really didn't think I could go into another night of contractions on pitocin which would make them harder and stronger. It was now 9:00 at night and I had been up since my water broke at 3:00 a.m. And the contractions had been hard to work through for how many hours now? And to be honest, knowing that I was still starting from the beginning was not motivating. I promised not to focus on numbers, but that went out the window by now...a 1? and I'm still starting from the beginning without sleep and it will get harder through the night? I was so sad to say it, but I just had to be real.

If we went straight to c-section, I knew I'd have regrets. And for surgery, they would have to give an epidural or spinal tap anyway, so we opted to try the pitocin with the epidural so I could rest and hopefully push when it came time. Everything was done by 11:00 pm. But now I had to be monitored every half hour. Rest from contractions? Yes. Amazing. But still no sleep. Check blood pressure and flip me from side to side every half hour. And now I couldn't eats or drinks except some ice chips.

But good news came through the night. She tried to check me only every 2 hours. And each time, I was dilated a couple more cm. And I remember having the sweetest nurse, she was so encouraging. It was about a cm an hour and that continued till I was nearing 10 cm at probably 10 a.m. Shift change. My original midwife, Joanne, came in for a couple hours to help the other midwife on call. Things looked at this point like we'll get to the pushing stage soon. She put me in a couple positions to get the last little piece of cervix out of the way. One of them helped, but one made me go backwards a little. So we waited to push, and she put me back in a good position. Then it was time to try to push. Right before, Joanne warned me she still had concerns about baby's position, etc and needed me to prepare myself for the possibilities of the cesearean. I felt peace. I remember praying right then with my ipod playing softly and saying, "God, we're going to do this last bit that we can, but ultimately I surrender to you. Either it will happen or it won't and either way you're good."

We had come this far and it was worth seeing it through. She told me how to push, as gently as possible and she knew we had to avoid raising my blood pressure or pushing with my head since I was at risk for a brain hemorrhage. That became pretty difficult but sensation was starting to come back so I tried to focus my attention and lowest of low groans on where her fingers were. She could only stay for the first hour, no! We were moving the baby but just millimeters. Sam saw lots of hair. That made us think we could do this!!! The second hour it was the doula, nurse and Sam helping. And another midwife at the very end. And then the final pushing. Everyone in the room, a gentle vacuum (our final intervention and shot at a vaginal birth) and all my might and effort. ANnnnnnnd....still visible hair, but no baby. We later found out she was not only posterior but military posed (head wouldn't tuck) And that was that. It was time to take her. 33 hours after the waters had broken. I knew it. Everyone knew it. And we just wanted our baby here safe. I had done everything I could and I remember thinking and saying that several times, and truly believing it in my heart. It was okay.

I couldn't open my eyes, all sensation was back and I was working through a headache from pushing and not eating/drinking for so long. And I remember being SO HOT! I just craved cold water. But I couldn't have it quite yet!


They prepped me and at 2:14 p.m. August 11, 2011 Olive came out 8 lbs, 7 oz, 21 inches long, screaming. Sam and I quick looked at each other with tears in our eyes and then he was gone....daddy was right there to hold her and put her on the table and rub in her vernix. And the nurses said, "Daddy, do you wanna announce the gender?" And he said was surprise in his voice the sweet words. "It's a...Guuurrl!" And I could look over and see mostly adults but a little bit of the baby. Nurses were saying things like "She's a big girl!" and "Wow, look at all that hair!" I just cried and cried. and tried to sneak peaks of her now that I could open my eyes again. Then Sam brought her over and we nuzzled skin on skin and out to recovery. Then more skin on skin, her on my chest and straight to the breast! She kept licking her lips and looking for it (not surprising now that we know how big of an eater she is!) She latched perfectly. And we were heads over heals in love from that point on.


We are so thankful to have our healthy baby girl here! God knows we wanted a natural birth and I believe He'll give us that as we learn more and seek some alternatives for next time. But this is the time we can be thankful for modern medicine. Daddy has been working on her spine, especially the cervicals that were jammed again and again for many hours. We made lots of efforts to be healthy while she was in utero and the nurses even commented on how well I must have eaten (and supplemented) while pregnant. She is a strong strong girl who likes to box with her little arms and kick her little legs. It makes sense since she was so active in the belly from 16 weeks on!


Psalm 128:3
Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table.

We love you and welcome you into our family, Olive Jolie!