Stop tinkering with your soul...

and look away to the Perfect One.

When Sinner's Say "I do" is the book that has challenged my marriage more than any other. Our official study with Troy and Ruth is over, but I'm drawn time and time again to the truth God spoke to me these past several months through this book. This week I've been reading through the first chapter again, and I'm amazed at paradigm shift that is happening in my heart and mind. Reading it for a second time has been powerful and full of new and deeper insights, all which build off the previous ground work-and I find myself unable to get enough. The gospel in all its glory doesn't get old.

I've been wrestling with my own prideful heart more than ever lately, realizing my tendencies these past 25 years have been to hide away from my sin and strive to cover my brokenness. Why do I do that? I've wondered and even speculated, but never have I seen so clearly the alternative. A lack of understanding and acceptance of the gospel has kept me enslaved to shame and addicted to pride...precisely the things that God longs to free me from. My unspoken motto, "it's not okay not to be okay" directly opposes the gospel truth. I think it's time for a new motto.

So what is the gospel truth that I need to continually "preach to my heart" as Ruth puts it? Well, I'm still piecing it all together, but a big part of it is an extension of what I already know. "The gospel explains our most obvious and basic problem-sin has separated us from God and from each other. Thus we are objects of God's wrath."
A Christian understands the necessity of the cross; our sin was so bad that it required blood, the blood of God, to take it away! But we can't let it stop there. I don't think I've let the gospel seep into my daily life nor my deepest parts. At times, yes, but not as a way of life. Dave Harvey says, "Never make the mistake of thinking that the gospel is only good for evangelism and conversion. By the gospel we understand that, although saved, we remain sinners. Through the gospel we receive power to resist sin. Accurately understanding and continually applying the gospel is the Christian life." Wow. That last line hits me so hard. Have a really been missing the fullness of the gospel all this time? It's not too late to grab hold of it thank goodness.

My marraige has been most affected by my wrong ways of thinking. Just being brutally honest, I've fought so hard to be "okay" that I've fallen into all kinds of sin, including self-reliance, pride and rebellion just to name a few. And the more I sinned, the more shame I felt, thus the cycle of trying to cover and fix, deny and make excuses continued. The love of God expressed through the cross addresses those cycles in a way that my striving never could. Again, I can't say it as well as this author but this is HUGE..

."God is changing us sinners. That process of change points toward a glorious goal-to become more like his Son, our Savior. But for us to become more like Christ, we must reckon with the fact that we are sinners; forgiven, yes, but still battling the inward drive to turn away from God to ourselves. Without such biblical clarity, we have no context for the cross and no ongoing awareness of our need for grace and mercy. Without a robust perspective on sin, the very notion of what it means to know God is profoundly weakened. Cornelius Platinga noted, "The sober truth is that without full disclosure on sin, the gospel of grace becomes impertinent, unnecessary, and finally uninterestingWithout a "full disclosure on sin," blind self-confidence will compel us to try to make our marraiges work on our own strength"'

I desire to have that "full disclosure on sin" be what my marraige rests on. How did I somehow think I shouldn't sin when I became saved?! It's so freeing to realize that it is God who is sanctifying me and I can rejoice and even boast in the fact that the gospel addresses the war within my own heart, and that God is fully aware of my sin and loves me still. The Lord wants us to fasten our eyes on him and not all the sinful toxins in our heart (Isaiah 45:22, Mic 7:7)

Please know that I'm attempting to write concretely about something that is on-going and always evolving. I by no means have it figured out! But I am processing it by God's grace and from my desire for you to be encouraged as you see Him at work in and all around you.

I'll leave you this one last quote from Elyse Fitzpatrick that I intend to keep meditating on as I seek to live out of the gospel daily.

"The problem of our ongoing fallibility and failure has been answered in the gospel. We are, each one, more sinful and flawed than we ever dared believe, but more loved and welcomed than we ever dared hope. The love of God for us in the gospel assures our hearts and brings us peace, especially when we see our sins and failures."