I want to share this link to the journal of Tenth Avenue North, one of my new faves in music. I love this reminder that God wants our healing, and it happens as we submit ourselves to Him and others through painful vulnerability...
I pray he will use your confession and mine to heal our broken hearts and bring the wholeness only He can offer!
James 5:13-16 "Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise. Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed."
I've been reading in Exodus (yes, I'm behind on my one-year reading plan!) about the Israelites and their time of slavery in Egypt, as well the miraculous way God freed them from this miserable existence.
Pain, suffering, hopelessness, confusion, bitterness, doubt These were the very things they needed to be freed from, many of these being their sinful responses to the oppression they experienced for so many years. And we know that those sins of the heart were entrapping them because even after God freed them from the hand of Pharoah, the physical suffering and pain, they continued to resort to the same emotions whenever they encountered suffering of any kind. It is the attitude we so often have, one of forgetfulness and pride that says, "Well yeah God, you freed me from this (awful thing I was going through) but now I have a new struggle and how in the world are you going to come through this time!? Maybe I'd be better off back where I was (in that awful thing I was going through)"
How easily we forget.
"As Pharoah and his army approached, the people of Israel could see them in the distance, marching toward them. The people began to panic, and they cried out to the Lord for help. Then they turned against Moses and complained, 'Why did you bring us out here to die in the wilderness? Weren't there enough graves for us in Egypt!? Why did you make us leave? Didn't we tell you to leave us alone while we were still in Egypt? Our Egyptian slavery was far better than dying out here in the wilderness!"
But Moses told the people, 'Don't be afraid. Just stand where you are and watch the Lord rescue you. The Egyptians that you see today will never be seen again. The Lord himself will fight for you. You won't have to lift a finger in your defense!"
How easily we forget.
At first the Lord's instructions for the Passover seemed a little redundant, a little excessive. "Why do you care so much about this, God?" I asked. The details of when, how to kill the sacrifice, which lamb to choose, etc. But God showed me the theme, the heart behind his instructions. The redundancy stemmed from God's heart for his people....
So you will not forget. He knows the tendencies of our wayward hearts. He desires so much for us to remember his goodness, his power, his faithfulness. He wants us to trust him the next time we end up in a trial or struggle. Otherwise we turn our trust back to ourselves and are rendered powerless, hopeless, trapped. Remember! Remember that I'm the One who freed you last time, and I will do it again!
Lord, help us remember. Let us keep our eyes fixed on you!
"Since I am so sick, Since I am in need, Since I have no healing within me.... Oh my God, be mindful of me, you are my help and my Redeemer. Oh my God, be mindful of me, you are my help and my Redeemer. Surely those who wait on you will never be ashamed. All of those who call on you will know the faithfulness of your name. They'll know the faithfulness of your name!" -100 Portraits and Water Deep- Enter the Worship Circle (I highly recommend these CD's, especially if you are prone to forget like I am)
When Sinner's Say "I do" is the book that has challenged my marriage more than any other. Our official study with Troy and Ruth is over, but I'm drawn time and time again to the truth God spoke to me these past several months through this book. This week I've been reading through the first chapter again, and I'm amazed at paradigm shift that is happening in my heart and mind. Reading it for a second time has been powerful and full of new and deeper insights, all which build off the previous ground work-and I find myself unable to get enough. The gospel in all its glory doesn't get old.
I've been wrestling with my own prideful heart more than ever lately, realizing my tendencies these past 25 years have been to hide away from my sin and strive to cover my brokenness. Why do I do that? I've wondered and even speculated, but never have I seen so clearly the alternative. A lack of understanding and acceptance of the gospel has kept me enslaved to shame and addicted to pride...precisely the things that God longs to free me from. My unspoken motto, "it's not okay not to be okay" directly opposes the gospel truth. I think it's time for a new motto.
So what is the gospel truth that I need to continually "preach to my heart" as Ruth puts it? Well, I'm still piecing it all together, but a big part of it is an extension of what I already know. "The gospel explains our most obvious and basic problem-sin has separated us from God and from each other. Thus we are objects of God's wrath." A Christian understands the necessity of the cross; our sin was so bad that it required blood, the blood of God, to take it away! But we can't let it stop there. I don't think I've let the gospel seep into my daily life nor my deepest parts. At times, yes, but not as a way of life. Dave Harvey says, "Never make the mistake of thinking that the gospel is only good for evangelism and conversion. By the gospel we understand that, although saved, we remain sinners. Through the gospel we receive power to resist sin. Accurately understanding and continually applying the gospel is the Christian life." Wow. That last line hits me so hard. Have a really been missing the fullness of the gospel all this time? It's not too late to grab hold of it thank goodness.
My marraige has been most affected by my wrong ways of thinking. Just being brutally honest, I've fought so hard to be "okay" that I've fallen into all kinds of sin, including self-reliance, pride and rebellion just to name a few. And the more I sinned, the more shame I felt, thus the cycle of trying to cover and fix, deny and make excuses continued. The love of God expressed through the cross addresses those cycles in a way that my striving never could. Again, I can't say it as well as this author but this is HUGE..
."God is changing us sinners. That process of change points toward a glorious goal-to become more like his Son, our Savior. But for us to become more like Christ, we must reckon with the fact that we are sinners; forgiven, yes, but still battling the inward drive to turn away from God to ourselves. Without such biblical clarity, we have no context for the cross and no ongoing awareness of our need for grace and mercy. Without a robust perspective on sin, the very notion of what it means to know God is profoundly weakened. Cornelius Platinga noted, "The sober truth is that without full disclosure on sin, the gospel of grace becomes impertinent, unnecessary, and finally uninterestingWithout a "full disclosure on sin," blind self-confidence will compel us to try to make our marraiges work on our own strength"'
I desire to have that "full disclosure on sin" be what my marraige rests on. How did I somehow think I shouldn't sin when I became saved?! It's so freeing to realize that it is God who is sanctifying me and I can rejoice and even boast in the fact that the gospel addresses the war within my own heart, and that God is fully aware of my sin and loves me still. The Lord wants us to fasten our eyes on him and not all the sinful toxins in our heart (Isaiah 45:22, Mic 7:7)
Please know that I'm attempting to write concretely about something that is on-going and always evolving. I by no means have it figured out! But I am processing it by God's grace and from my desire for you to be encouraged as you see Him at work in and all around you.
I'll leave you this one last quote from Elyse Fitzpatrick that I intend to keep meditating on as I seek to live out of the gospel daily.
"The problem of our ongoing fallibility and failure has been answered in the gospel. We are, each one, more sinful and flawed than we ever dared believe, but more loved and welcomed than we ever dared hope. The love of God for us in the gospel assures our hearts and brings us peace, especially when we see our sins and failures."
1. Firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing.
2. Custody; care.
3. Something committed into the care of another; charge.
4. Reliance on something in the future; hope.
I'm encouraged to fully trust my heavenly Father with our future when I read these poetic and heart-felt Psalms...
16:7-11 I bless the Lord who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure. For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption. You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
61:8 Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before himl God is a refuge for us.
145:15 The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food in due season. You open your hand; you satisfy the desire of every living thing.
103: 1-5 Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all this is within me, bless his holy name! Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
Sorry for the delay in posting details about our move and new adventures here in New Mexico! Quite honestly I've been overwhelmed. But it's not what you think. Typically moves are overwhelming and stressful. New place, new people, new jobs, new house, no furniture, no friends, no family, no church=anxiety, right? I must say, though, the difference in this move has been clearly supernatural, the very provision and faithfulness of God himself. I'm overwhelmed at the number of things I could write about here, the number of ways in which He has shown up. Every. little. thing. When I recall the ways in which we have been blessed with exactly what we needed at the time I am convinced not even a flashing sign in the sky could have made His prescence more clear. Nor would it have been as sweet. (now that's a big statement...who wouldn't appreciate a flashing sign in the sky pointing them in the right direction? ) I do believe it has given God greater pleasure to surprise us time and time again, in little and big ways, in direct accordance with what we have been praying for. and it sure has increased our faith. I was reminded this morning of some verses I memorized in college. When I think of how much we've cried out to God as the One who knows us and how much we've trusted him with our every desire, and then just how much He's come through...I'm brought to tears.
Matthew 7:7-11 "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock and the door will be opend to you. For everyone who asks, receives, and the one who seeks, finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which of you, if his son asks him for bread, will instead give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!
I wish I could say I'm always aware of and thankful for the blessings in my life. I know in my head that every good and perfect gift comes from above. But my pride often convinces me to take the credit for what God does. And sometimes blessings come in disguise-they don't seem very good and perfect to me! But God sees the whole picture and His work in us is a process. He's working it all out for good, whether or not it feels good to me atany given time. And right now, it does feel good! I can see his hand at work in this new stage in life as clearly as I see my fingers typing in front of me! But I know there will be times I will grow weary, and doubt. Times when life is heavy and painful. Times I've experienced many times before. How awesome is it that God is currently giving me proof of his faithfulness that I can hold on to during those times? Evidence that He does love me and have good things in store? I'm just rocked by the fact that what I deserve is nothing. It's death. But God chooses to bless me because it brings Him great joy. I hope I am able to continue asking and believing that He gives good gifts to those who ask him.
Here are some pics of the blessings we've been given along the way. Some are not tangible and not pictured:) But I'll try to describe them a bit so you can see the depth of joy each of them has brought. I'm sure I'll post more about them individually soon :)
Our trip down here in early April was awesome. Sam and I both felt peace and were unified as we discerned if this was the place we were to live. Three days before we flew out to ABQ I found my school's website on the internet. I thought, "I'll just Google classical, Christian schools."And what to you know? One had just been started a year prior and the school board was in the middle of their teacher-search for 2009-2010. They happened to have an informational meeting the night we were flying in, so me and Sam went and instantly fell in love with their hearts and vision for education. And the board consisted of four young married couple each with 3 to 4 children of their own. We thought, "They're just like us!" (well, minus the kids.But we want a lot of kiddos eventually!) We were able to stay with Dr. Austin and enjoy the peace of the home he rented. He drove us all around town and gave up his bedroom, and we bought groceries and cooked for him :) Perfect trade for a bachelor! We even bought canvases and painted for the first time. On top of that, we visited the practice Sam was interested in joining and loved it. We got to meet with Dr. Mike and his family at their church and go out to lunch. It ended in an invitation to start out with an internship and make sure Sam is a good fit for the practice and vice versa. Two weeks later we made it official. We were moving to NM!
Austin and Sam chilling after grilling
First paintings! We were inspired to create by the beautiful mountains right outside!
Dr. Mike and his oldest :)
Gonstead Family Chiropractic
We were sad to leave the Sandia Mountains and beautiful sunshine!
A week after we found out how much a move to NM would cost (ouch!) we got a letter in the mail. It was from my insurance company in college, Aetna. It basically said they were audited and needed to refund us $700 we had spent on MRI's 3 year prior! What?! The check will come at the end of this month. :)
So many friends came to help us load up and clean! We couldn't have done it without them :)
Totally pumped for the long drive! After 3 days of driving we arrived at our apartment to with our loaded Penske and decided we weren't going to sign the lease afterall! The location just wasn't right. This could have been a catastrophe but thankfully my boss and his family were already on their way to help us unload the truck. As soon as they got there and heard our dilemma they invited us to come to their house and stay as long as we needed to (we're practically strangers, mind you!). It was Sat. so we hunted that afternoon for apartments and found one! However, we couldn't get through the credit check and get in until Wed. Troy and Ruth were gracious enough to host us for five days.Their oldest, Caleb, even gave up his bedroom "so we wouldn't have to suffer." :) In that time we fell in love with the whole family and quickly recognized their openness and authenticity as exactly what we had prayed for in the friends we would meet down here. Ruth cooked up yummy meals and the boys showed us their huge sand box (half the back yard!) They invited us to their church and introduced us to a their closest friends. By the end of those 5 days we felt we had the kind of friendship that would normally take months or longer to build. Clearly ordained!We drove the Penske to our new apartment on Wed. We had less than 24 hours before the truck needed to be returned. PerfectPeople we barely knew, friends of the Simons, came to unload the truck. Thankfully it only took an hour and a half b/c that NM sun can get pretty stinkin hot in the middle of the afternoon! Done! We had no furniture in our LR except a bookshelf. We found this sectional on Craigs List-3 weeks old with the tags still on for cheap! We were able to pick it up that same night which allowed us to use the now-empty-Penske and still return it by 7:00 a.m.!
We wanted to be able to host people and watch movies but had no TV. Again we got an awesome deal on our first TV!Dr. Austin gave us his dining room table to borrow indefinitely!
This was perfect timing. Our friends, Dave and Natalia, were coming to visit from CO and we didn't want to make them eat on the floor! We are reunited with the Smith's after two years! It was a great 4th of July weekend:)Here is all my first grade curriculum for Oak Grove. It is an awesome school with a small staff and a big heart. Our recent two-day training was such a blessing. Teachers shared ideas on classroom management, parent communication, and routines/procedures. They trained us thoroughly by explaining and sampling each subject and set of curriculum.I am so excited for this school year! We have found a great community of believers at Northside, the church Troy pastors.
Ruth and I have lots in common...she is a fellow creativity-lover and, as you can see, a bargain shopper!
Elane, Katie, Leslie, and I. (and baby Ashon). I love these girls already :) Thanks ladies for making us feel so welcome!Laney and I
God knows we love to do things outdoors. This gives Sam and I a hobby we both enjoy-hiking! We love beauty! The skies are different each night-gorgeous! Blessed be your name, in the land that is plentiful Where your streams of abundance flow Blessed be your name. Blessed be your name, on the road marked with suffering Though there's pain in the offering Blessed be your name. Every blessing you pour out I'll turn back to praise When the darkness closes in Lord Still I will say Blessed be the name of the Lord, blessed be your name Blessed be the name of the Lord Blessed be your glorious name. You give and take away You give and take away My heart will choose to say Lord, blessed be your name!
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